Are we the sum of all our Relationships?
Session 1:
The main group of people that you hang out with whether it’s family, colleagues or friends mirror aspects of yourself. What can frustrate you about them, is actually an aspect that you’re rejecting within yourself – that’s how mirroring works. It’s important to remember that main people that we hang out with, we’re constantly exchanging energy, we’re usually exchanging the same frequency in some parts of our lives as they are.
What it means is we create patterns, expectations as well as energy exchanges within the relationships. Most of the time these are unconscious and subtle energy exchanges and when running smoothly are amazing connections. But when there’s a hiccup and all these aspects of the relationships are running unconsciously, here is where patterns and expectations can be rejected. As it’s unconsciously happening, it can really throw you as to what’s going on within certain relationships.
This is where we need to take stock of our thoughts and emotions instead of just reacting to the situation. Sometimes we’re so use to interacting in a certain way that when it changes energetically, we can move into panic or fear about what’s going on. If you’re an empath or highly sensitive person, then you may look for what you did wrong to change or fix it.
I want you to know that relationships are dynamic and moving, so it’s important to understand and know that change WILL HAPPEN. Think of it this way, when we grow or shift it can be uncomfortable for us and these changes whether subtle or not do impact those around us. And when one of closest goes through a shift themselves, it has a rippling effect onto us as well.
Sometimes that impact is ok whilst other times it can really rattle us. Either way, it’s a shift in the energy exchange and I will guarantee that it WILL HAPPEN especially over long-term relationships. We don’t all grow at the same time and when a shift does happen for us or another, it can occur at stressful times. What I mean by this is, sometimes we need a friend to be there for us, listen and support us but if they’re going through a growth/shift within themselves, they can’t be there, they can’t hold the space for us to vent, for advice or just being a friend. And her is where expectations can cause disagreements.
For myself, I’ve learnt to understand not to take these experiences personally. It’s easier said than done at times but having this understanding allows you to gain some insight from their perspective, from what’s going on in their world. Here is where you can expand your consciousness by stepping into the Neutral or Higher Mind and let allow yourself to gain new understandings without attachment, without expectation and this is where we begin to step up and be accountable for our self.
With growth and shifts, comes changes in boundaries and if you choose to stay unaware, unconscious about these changes, here is where conflict begins. Here is where we can start the blame game of, they’ve done this, and I’m offended when what’s actually happening is a shift in energy exchange. It will feel unfamiliar and again, panic and fear come into play.
We all have experienced communicating from a panicked and fear base. It’s reactionary and usually we don’t seem to make sense in how we’re expressing what we’re feeling. This is usually coming from a triggered state and not one where we’re grounded in our energy AND in the neutral mind. Conversations get heated, misunderstandings happen, and time may be needed to calm down and in extreme situations to heal.
When this happens it’s not fun BUT there are beautiful opportunities (if allowing) for a new way of connecting. The ability to reset expectations and accountability simply by allowing growth within the relationship itself.
Most of us like to keep things the same, it gives us comfort and a sense of knowing what to expect from others and yourself but most of us, we need some sort of pain to create movement and change. We can tend to get too comfortable in our relationships and that’s ok, but change is always going to happen, and you can’t always prepare for change.
For myself, change represents newness, new opportunities, new understandings and insights plus discomfort – yes you have to expect this is part of the process. Change can allow for relationships to deepen and strengthen and that creates a whole new dynamic.
So, how do we begin to allow for change within our self and others?
Think of someone where the dynamics have or are changing, someone that’s bringing out discomfort in you
Ask yourself
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Am I feeling unsure in our relationship?
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What’s changed?
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Am I taking this personally?
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Am I projecting?
Let’s step into the Neutral Mind – Step 3 from 5 Step Reset Now let’s ask these questions again
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Am I feeling unsure in our relationship?
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What’s changed?
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Am I taking this personally?
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Am I projecting?
And let’s add a couple more
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Where am I taking accountability for me?
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Where are we mirroring each other?
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What am I pushing away – rejecting?
Here is where you reframe your thoughts and emotions from being reactionary (triggered) to being neutral and open.
In any relationship, this is what we strive for to cherish and deepen our relationships.
Now sit back and relax as we move into our Hypno-Meditation
Sx
Are we the sum of all our Relationships?
Session 2:
Now you understand that as we shift and grow at different times within our relationships it’s not to be taken as rejection or personally. It’s not the end of the relationship either, so you’re able to take a step back and just allow for each other’s growth spurt to happen.
But what happens when a relationship breaks down?
And I’m not talking about intimate relationship, I’m referring to friends, colleagues and family.
Intimate relationships we’ve all had experience in a break-up, whether you’ve instigated them or not. Every single person goes through this, and family & friends are always supportive during this time.
What’s not talked about is how to break-up with a friend, colleague or family member. It’s kind of like a taboo subject and for many, we wait for a clash to occur to give a justification for ending this. Or some will make a big deal out nothing to end a relationship simply because they don’t understand what they’re feeling or knowing how to handle the situation.
When a relationship breaks down,
how do we deal with it?
Who’s to blame?
Who’s at fault?
What to say?
What do I do?
Sometimes there’s been a shift, a growth spurt for you or your friend. Let’s say it’s a friend who is stepping into joy or really radiating with what they’re doing and the connection between you isn’t as familiar as before. This is where mirroring will come into play, showing you possibilities for yourself – if you choose to step up. But what if you’re not ready or can’t see a way to move forward?
This is where negative thoughts, attachment and unsafety will occur. It can express itself through anger, jealousy, controlling behaviour, taking offense for no reason and sometimes, you will withdraw from them. If you happen to do any of the above, then your shadow side is coming up strong and fast and you’ll be projecting this onto them. Simply because you don’t know how to step into that vibration the other person is entering. The same goes for you when you’re moving into a different and higher vibration for those around you. I will say it is an opportunity to do Shadow Work for yourself (or if it’s a friend).
If we stay in this state and we’re going to want to blame and look for reasons why this is happening. Basically, the critical mind (ego) is going to scan all experiences to correlate a story of WHY…
I want you to know that you don’t need a story to confirm this, sometimes relationships just end as its timing, like when we leave a job for a new company. When this happens, we will lose some of our colleague friends.
If you follow through on needing a story that’s ok but there will be a shift in your friendship dynamics and again, there is the blame game and here you can get caught up in the story instead of healing.
Think of it this way, some people come into your life for reason, a season or a lifetime – it’s up to you to work this out and the best way to do this is from the Neutral Mind.
If someone is in your life for a reason, it’s because they’re here to help you bring something to your attention or help you with an opportunity or to help you get unstuck. The key here is not to cling onto them, because you feel so good around them and try to keep them for when you need this again in the future – you will step in draining their energy.
If someone is in your life for a season, don’t attach to them like their permanent. This relationship is simply because you’re both vibrating at the same frequency and it’s someone to share this part of your journey with for now. And know, a season doesn’t necessarily represent 3 months, a season can be a good few years or even more than a decade.
If someone is in your life for a lifetime, then don’t treat them like they’re in it for season or reason. Treasure this relationship but that doesn’t mean you’re joined at the hip. This expectation creates co-dependency and that’s when boundaries get blurred and expectations will not be fulfilled.
Now when a relationship just breakdowns or boundaries have been severely crossed, it’s easier to sever the relationship as there’s been an incident. Most will say the relationship became toxic (and it has) as both you have grown apart in your values and integrity. Here is where I would encourage you to take time out or cut ties so that you can heal yourself, your inner children and shadow aspects.
The one thing I want to point out here is, when you end a relationship whether there’s been a huge argument, has become toxic or you just don’t relate to them anymore, expect yourself to GRIEVE. Just like when we end an intimate partner relationship, there’s sadness, a sense of loss and recalibrating your own identity. This is part of the letting go and we can easily slip into bitterness and blame. Grieving is part of the process of healing.
It's important to remember it takes two to bond a relationship and when circumstances change, so too can the dynamics of the relationship and it’s time to let go, GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO HEAL & MOURN is one of the most important parts of letting go. Grieving a friendship takes time and can’t be rushed, let the process happen and know that it will pass as everything in life does.
So, let’s look at how to let go
- Choose a person that you’ve either had to let go or they let go of you
This can be from a long time ago & you can choose a previous partner if you want.
- Write down in bullet points how you felt and what hurt e.g.
- Betrayed
- Loss of best friend
- Don’t know who they are anymore
- Anger
- Blame
- F – off
- Now that you’ve released all those emotions, from your heart, write down what you wish for them e.g.
If you find this difficult, that’s ok. It may take you a couple of times to release the hurt emotions.
- Peace
- Happiness
- Letting go
- Acceptance
- Time apart
- Move on
Just sit with this for a moment as you’re going to use this list in our Hypno-Meditation.
I would encourage you to do this one to two people at a time that you’re wanting to energetically let go of as there are a lot of leftover emotions that could be attached. Simply meaning as we let go, we feel some of these emotions on some level so the more people you do at one time, the more intense it is feels.
If you’re still feeling it, do this Hypno-Meditation a few times to let go on a deeper level and remember, there may be some bits of grieving left over that you’re still processing
Sx
