Do you know where you place yourself? How do you recognise that you do this?

• By your thoughts
• Through your actions
• Through other peoples’ actions • By other peoples’ words

If you place yourself Last, there are 3 aspects of yourself that hold you in this place

1. Not feeling good enough
2. Not feeling worthy
3. Not giving yourself validation

And here we step into many traits that can form from not having the above 3 aspects filled and anchored within you – grounded and consistently replenished by you!

Some of these traits which I call programs begin from the ages between 0-7 years old and then we create and repeat the same situations over and over which ultimately, we’ve come to know these programs as sabotage patterns.

I’m going to throw this concept out there just for you to process. With each of our sabotage patterns, there is a payoff that we receive by keeping them, and this is moving into shadow work. By staying stuck in an experience or situation, you may find some form of (shadow) pleasure or gain by staying in the same place.

A physical example of this can be smoking. You know it’s not good for you, it’s frowned upon in society now and it’s damn well expensive, yet you keep doing it. You may say that you’re addicted and can’t give it up but there is a form of pleasure by doing it that you want to keep.

Now let’s looks at an emotional example, wanting someone to address a sticky conversation instead of you, which means there’s an elephant in the room. You wait and tippy toe around them and the topic that’s laying thick and heavy between you. You start creating conversations in your head between you and

them. You overanalyse every word and action that they do and start to think that everything is aimed towards you – get the spiral swirling downwards?

And this is all because you gave the responsibility of this friendship to the other person. The gain is you don’t have to step up and take any accountability. Our mind is tricky, no action means you can’t be accused of anything, but no action means you’ve released your accountability, you’ve released control to the other person. The gain here is only momentarily by having no voice, no power.

What does putting yourself Last look like?

     • Anxiety
           o We wake up with and go to sleep with it
           o We’re constantly imagining what others are thinking about us o We’re constantly critiquing our actions
          o We’re constantly seconding guessing our self
          o It takes a long time to complete anything as you don’t trust
          o Completely ungrounded most of the time
          o Feeling bad

• Constantly Apologising
  o Scared you’ve offended or slighted someone in some way o Worried that others are judging you always
  o Expecting to be rejected all the time
  o Concerned what you’re doing isn’t enough or good enough o Always accommodating others First

• People Pleasing
  o Making sure other people’s needs are met by you o Hoping to feel and get validation by them
  o Cannot handle any type of conflict
  o No voice or no power with voice
  o Crying very easily over little things
  o Worried about others constantly
  o Wondering if or why they like you

  • Outbursts
  o You don’t say anything until breaking point
  o When you express yourself it’s always loud and emotional                    o You escalate everything into intensity o Get angry and upset over little things o Give unwarranted ultimatums                                                       o Can’t express yourself except in anger o Get worked up so easily – agitated

To change and break these programs, you have to make the decision to want to do this. As we know, change does create contrast and when we want to change something, it’s important to remember and be prepared for some sort of discomfort throughout the process.

I want to be clear that as you’re changing from placing yourself First instead of Last, that there are feelings of guilt, shame and a sense that you’re hurting someone else by placing yourself First. This is only because you’ve been trained to think this way. As you become stronger in believing in your own worth, value and more than good enough, those programmed feelings (sabotage patterns) will flare up to test you and see how serious you are about changing them. I’m encouraging you to keep going, you’re so worth it.

So, how did those sabotage patterns start? Between 0 – 7 years old, you will have experiences some events that made you feel unsafe, not good enough, not valued in a way that you needed back then. Your subconscious mind stepped up and created these patterns to make a safe haven for you. To accommodate and please others, means you deflect unwanted attention onto you. And here's the rub – they kept you safe whilst young but as an adult, it can extinguish that sense of thriving into just surviving.

And in a nutshell, placing yourself last will always keep you in the cycle of survival and that is one exhausting place to consistently live life in.
By learning to feel comfortable placing you First, gives you the opportunity to move into a thriving state of life and there is much much joy here!

Today, with our Hypno-Meditation we are going to one specific event in your life to work through. You don’t have to do anything as this is working with the subconscious mind to release break that old circuit for a new program of putting you First in a balanced loving manner. What we’re doing is filling up your tank of feeling loved, wanted, more than good enough, worthy and a whole lot of self- validation!

Listen to this Hypno-Meditation as often as you like to support you moving from Last to First in your internal hierarchy.

Enjoy this feeling of knowing how to fill your own tanks up daily as it’s time to thrive!

Sx